The last 90 days have been a series of roller coaster rides that I haven’t experience since the days of my youth. I have to deal with physical road blocks, situations that have emotionally drained me, and learning how people view me for the first time.
My struggles are somewhat known if you follow me on my social circles. But, my struggles are not real struggles when compared to those of you who are dealing with what I like to refer to as “some real problems”.
When I feel I am having an “effed” up day. I always think about those who are dealing with something more tragic and are finding ways to over come them.
To sum it all up. At the end of the day I am just a big baby who can’t figure out how truly do the things I really want that would eventually make me be 100 percent happy with my self.
Life is always elsewhere.
It has been a running joke that whatever city I want to visit is the city I want to move and start my life in.
To an extent it’s true. But, I think the fuel that fires up that desire has change over the years. When I was in High School my desire to move was usually because I was running away from problems. I always felt that moving would be a way to start over. The reasoning went away when I learned how to deal with the problems that made me want to move away.
Then came the era that I wanted to experience something different in my 20’s. I would visit either Tijuana, Mexico or D.F, Mexico and I wanted to sell enough Tacos and to pay for a small apartment. I also would spend hours trying to figure out how to make a living when I would visit Bakersfield, Phoenix, Big Bear, Lake Arrowhead, San Francisco and other places that were so difference from the life that I lived in Los Angeles.
Then came the era or places that could offer me more for my buck as long as I would want to ride the place out for the long haul. That’s when places like Detroit came up on my radar. For 10,000 dollars you can buy a few blocks at a time and gamble that the Detroit will benefit when the United States as country starts turning around in being the states it was when Detroit was a destination stop.
Now I am entering the current and what I fill is the final era. As a father I am attracted by places that can offer the freedom for my kids to be kids and the a community that is involved in the local schools. All with being affordable to be a single income house and the ability for fast internet service. That’s how a small town in Oregon came up on the Radar and is what I hope to be the final destination once other things fall into place.
Stop dreaming and just be content with what you have!
I have always felt that I have been content with what I had but more in the humble stance. I am happy with what I have and I never have the feeling of wanting more or live outside my means. I always acknowledge how fortunate I am with the opportunities and things I get to do.
So, it was really weird to hear from people that I am too much of a “Dreamer” always wanting more and never content with what I have. Granted they had examples of me always wanting to move but those examples at lease to me were not because I wanted more. But, someone told me that I have issues with committing to things and that observation devastated me. I always felt everything I committed too I came through on. It took me a while to really understand what they truly meant. When I say I will do something to someone – It gets done.
But, when I want to do things like personal projects. I always allow other things to come up and prevent me from start them, finish the, or work on them. The lack of completing my actual projects is what they meant as to where I lack commitment and I must agree with them. My list of things I want to do has shrunk over the years and if you do a search on this blog or have been reading this blog over the decades I am sure you have read the posts of “Starting work on …”, “Putting this project on hold….”, to “I am no longer working on this…”.
When I stopped working for the “Evil Empire” and had a job that allowed me the freedom and the time to work on my side projects. I finally felt that I had found the perfect balance. But, somehow I found that I spent more time doing nothing and falling into some weird phases where watching 3 hours of Netflix was more important then working on content on my blog or podcasts. I guess the fact that I make no money on my blogs and podcasts never really made it a priority. By not making my content the way of making a living has allowed me the freedom to write and discuss what I wanted and yet that same freedom has made it possible for Netflix and other things become a wall between me and wanting work on my projects.
If that wasn’t enough I started to second guess my own plans and road maps I had for the next 3 years because it seems that some people that made it seem were on the same page with me have confirmed that they are not.
I want the old Dave.
So what is the point of blogging all this? Well nothing really. At the end of the day this is my blog and it is a part of me that has been around since 1996 so as I refocus on a few things and go back to some of my roots I am going to suspect more posts will appear more frequently.